Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
