he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I am one with the molecules
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
