i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
