...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
