I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
did i walk over a car last night?
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
