You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
It's no shave November. This is our time.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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