I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
i think my cat just said my name.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
