All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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