Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
