I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Randomize
