You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
