Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Randomize
