So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
