She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I'm passing your future prison.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
