You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
