So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Randomize
