Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
