okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
