It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Randomize
