I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
