i'm signing you up for texting rehab
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
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