i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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