so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Randomize
