Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
