We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
