how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
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