I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize