And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I am midnight drunk by noon
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
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