Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
