Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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