I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Rumble strips road head = magical
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
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