Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
