oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
