my mouth tastes like poor choices
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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