My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
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