I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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