I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Randomize
