My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
