I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
