Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Randomize