Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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