And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
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