I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
