I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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