I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
