Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
