i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I'm sobbing to NWA
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize