i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
