My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Randomize
