No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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