Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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