He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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