$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
So much Jack, so little girl.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
