How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
