i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
How's work?
Spinning.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
