Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
