Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
