My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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