Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
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