i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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