I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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