You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
