no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize