What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Randomize
