My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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