just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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