There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Randomize
