4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
