I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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