If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
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